I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a penis ... only smaller".I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary ... only fatter and less flexible".

Isn't it discrimination that Gingers can only use two lifelines in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

As a young ginger kid, I used to have two imaginary friends.Problem was, they would only play with each other.

My girlfriend moans a lot during sex. Last night it was about the curtains.

This morning I placed some speakers 1.6km from my house and had a wank into a microphone....You could hear me coming a mile away.

The Answer!

1. ‘Startling’ is the word. Begin by removing ‘i’, which makes it ‘staring’, then take away the ‘t’, making it ‘staring’, and so on – string; sing; sin; in; and, I.